Miss Independent

I learned at an early age to learn not to need other people in my life.

I see myself going through some of the most difficult things I have faced in my life where my gut was telling me that I needed help from other people in order to make it through and then my next thoughts were those reassuring myself that I could handle it, that I could deal with it on my own-and that I HAD to deal with it on my own.

I think it was just a means of survival for me. Self reliance in every part of my life meant safety because I could predict the outcome.

...that was until about a year ago.

Jordan and I have been married for about 6 years, and just within the past year, I realized I still had so many barriers up, still unwilling to let him in because I was afraid. But then I found myself asking, "What is so wrong with needing someone in your life, Shannon?" After all, it didn't mean that I could take care of myself, that I was weak or even that I wasn't my own person. I just realized that needing someone in this sense meant relying on them to help me through times when I needed support, when I needed someone just to get me through the times when I was too tired, worn out, sad, etc. to do it on my own. It was needing someone to help me raise my children and to balance me.

After I realized this, I realized that needing someone means being humble and allowing someone else to show you that you can become more than you imagined. Isn't that one reason why we need Christ? We are given commandments, some of which we cannot obey solely through our own faculties, and He know that. That is why we are told He can make more of us than we can alone. In this sense, we are to NEED or rely on Him.

And that is why, in a sense, I need Jordan in my life. I rely on him for certain things, and i love him all the more for being there for me during those times when he is there for me.

So, thank you, Jordan. I love you.