When my kids were younger, I think motherhood seemed so much more monotonous and pointless. I mean, of course it wasn't-it's just the daily routine of waking up and knowing that today would consist of cleaning this and wiping up that and don't do this and keep your cool and then a brief moment of motherhood joy, followed by a full-on tantrum, etc. got to feel a little redundant at times.
But now I wish I could go back and tell myself that even in the chaos of all this, I needed to have a goal in mind. I was working toward something! ...But what was that something? I didn't know.
I think I have figured it out, or at least gotten a clearer picture (I always hesitate to claim I have figured anything out in motherhood because, I am almost always sorely disappointed soon after making that claim).
For a while, I thought that my goal as a mother was to have my kids someday go to the temple and get married...but I wasn't completely happy with this definition if you will, and couldn't figure out why. I think it is because this seems like a copout to me; I want to have a concrete goal to work toward, and that seems almost like a mirage of reassurance as a mother-knowing, you sent your child off into life with photos and all your guests to witness that you raised your child "right."
But what IF the marriage fails?
I don't necessarily mean divorce. I mean, what if someone is unhappy, or just stops growing as a person? Or they just stop growing as a couple? Or who knows what?!
Back to the drawing board.
My goal as a mother is to point my children in the right direction? ...too broad. To teach them how to be good people? ...too generic.
To help them develop habits that, when practiced, will help them get to know their God and their Savior. ...that could be it.
With this, everything else will fall into place. They will strive to become better people, they will do what is right, they will develop testimonies, etc.
However, there is one word in this that intimidates me: habit.
Habits are hard to develop-what do they say? Six weeks, I believe. But something tells me in this case it takes more than that. When I read the word "habit," I am thinking a lot of work and diligence-daily, no fail diligence.
The good news is, there is also the phrase "Old habits die hard."
With everything there is to face in life, I sure hope so.
